The Turning Point: Loss and Awakening
Years earlier, I had already begun feeling this suspicious and mysterious restlessness, that sense of being constricted in a life that didn't fit. But I loved my work; I loved my work-family, and everything seemed incredibly amazing. This led me to seek medical help for anxiety and insomnia. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and prescribed medications, which I took without much thought—I just wanted to function at work and sleep at night. I honestly didn't care at the time. My sole focus was how to be a more productive, effective, and strong leader.
Then, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and passed away shortly after we learned about this terrible news. Her illness and death shook me to the core, forcing me to reevaluate my life and career. Everything I had worked for suddenly felt meaningless. Strangely, I felt a deep black hole because of this loss, which I couldn't manage in any way possible; a devastating state of pure shock, while at the same time, this clarity and realization that nothing that I was focused on mattered at all. That whatever restlessness I was consumed by was also meaningless, and there was something else that was more important emerging.
The loss of my mother was the catalyst for the immense change that had been brewing beneath the surface.
I remember those days vividly. No matter how awake or caffeinated I was, speaking with my family felt like being underwater—everything was muffled and difficult to comprehend. My nervous system was on high alert, leaving me trembling as if I had consumed several espressos and smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. The only way I knew that would help me cope was to keep pushing forward, working hard, hiding the tremors, and putting on a brave face at work.
A New Path: The Power of Mindfulness
It was during this turbulent time that I met a specialist who introduced me to a mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program. This program, which focuses on developing a heightened awareness of the present moment, initially left me skeptical. However, I trusted her and immediately felt a strong pull toward this practice.
Mindfulness changed everything. It opened up a new world of curiosity about the invisible realms and different aspects of myself. This journey led me to explore various forms of healing, from Eastern philosophies to holistic practices. I dove into books, libraries, and online resources, consumed by a deep, soulful yearning to expand my understanding.
Embracing My True Calling
Through this exploration, I began to heal myself and navigate the intense emotions surrounding my mother's passing and all the changes that were happening. I realized that my corporate career in hospitality had served its purpose and that the restlessness I had felt was actually a call to follow my intuition.
I immersed myself in SunDo KiGong training, eventually becoming an instructor and pursuing even more advanced training programs. It was then that I knew I was ready to leave the corporate world behind. This decision was not easy; it defied logic and societal expectations. But I called in the courage to follow my intuition, knowing deep down that my soul was calling me to a different path, and I simply needed to allow that to occur.
Once I decided to step through that terrifying doorway of honoring my heart, I was overcome with a massive sense of relief and peace, reassuring me that I was on the right path, and keep in mind that the path was not clear at all; but just by making the decision to pull away from the way things were, created a huge space inside.
After resigning, I took a month to rest and reflect, finding solace in simple days of reading and continuous training. This period of emptiness, learning to find comfort within the void, became my medicine, allowing me to prepare for the next phase of my journey.
A Leap of Faith
Then, like a bolt of lightning, inspiration struck—I decided to open my own studio. Despite financial uncertainties, I trusted my intuition and withdrew my 401K to fund this opportunity. In 2017, I completed the certification to open a franchise studio, completely disregarding conventional wisdom to follow my heart.
Even if I wasn't fully conscious of it at the time, I learned that profound internal shifts pave the way for external transformations.
What happens when we adjust and come back into alignment with our true essence is that everything around us recalibrates beautifully as divinely designed to support our soul's journey.
A Deeper Understanding: The Physical and Energetic Connection
Through my training, I learned about the wisdom of our physical body. Until then, I was only focused on taking care of my body on the surface—going to the gym, lifting weights, cycling, and spinning to maintain a fit appearance. There was also the stress relief that came with working out, which I knew was crucial for my well-being.
But as I started learning and practicing how to feel energy moving inside and outside the body, a whole new world opened up to me. My inner intelligence reawakened, and I realized that experiencing energy was more important than anything else. This was the beginning of a profound transformation, guided by a strong inner knowing that this path was right for me.
My teacher played a crucial role in understanding what it meant to simplify my life, helping me understand that it was all really about simplifying my thinking. Since my whole world revolved around thought alone, I had to come back to zero, to the space where nothing and everything exists. The physical training was incredibly opening; however, I realized my energy bodies were weak, spent, and congested. It didn't matter that I had focused so many years on being physically strong and fit. Quality of energy, such as strength, endurance, and resilience, are certainly linked to our physical form, but not entirely. My spirit was bright as it has always been, but it couldn't get through to my soul, resulting in an uprising in my body, translating into inflammation and pain. And so, with time and diligent training, I began healing myself, building a greater connection to my inner voice.
Living a Life Aligned with the Heart-Mind
I want to live a life where I can freely focus on what brings me joy, a life of profound courage and connection with more of what and who I am. I want to feel the sun's rays, embrace the universe, and experience my whole self—not just the fragmented parts concerned with superficial matters.
Yes, I am a dreamer. But aren't we all supposed to be dreamers? We can choose to break free from the confines of our small selves and live a life guided by our heart-mind, flowing with the light reflections of our true essence. Letting the heart-mind lead is the mission in this life. It's about embracing the deeper desires that lie within us, allowing our mental and emotional selves to support us, rather than overpower our path.
It's crucial to recognize that our soul's desires are of profound significance. The vibrational quality of these desires, which relates to how brightly we allow our soul's light to shine, transcends the roles defined by our left-brain ego, the small mind, and what it thinks we are. This process involves a full collaboration as we balance the two vital forces within us and in this dimension—the yin and yang, the divine feminine and masculine, the dark and the light. As we practice finding and managing this balance continuously, we become more conscious of the vibrations driving our intentions, how we choose to express ourselves daily, how we live emotional experiences, and what actions we take.
By doing so more consciously, we allow our soul's light to shine more fully and embark on a journey of personal growth and self-discovery guided by the true desires of our heart-mind.
